"You probably won't understand"

I don't think there's a single more offensive statment to me personally than this one. In my extremely arrogant opinion, I'm a smart guy. One of my biggest strengths is learning quickly, right up next to quick comprehension. So when someone prefaces a statement with "You probably won't understand", my instinctive response (usually quickly supressed) is "So you think I'm stupid?"

For christ's sake, when you're trying to explain something to someone, telling them that they probably won't understand is like telling someone that they're an idiot, or at the very least, that you're vastly more intelligent than them. Either interpretation is likely to piss them off. And when the person your telling is someone you work with, who controls whether or not you ever get anything you want ever again, it's a bad plan.

I'm not even going to go into what it says when you're interviewing for a position that is supposed to be more than 50% customer support...

I think next time someone says this, I'm just not going to supress. We'll just let it all hang out, that should be entertaining.

Collaboration works to a point

Why the hell is it impossible to get someone to make a decision anymore?

These last few days, I've been put in charge of getting a script up and running that fires an email on certain conditions. Not that difficult.

However, the way my place of business works is that everyone and their goddamn mother needs to weigh in on the exact language of any communication sent out! We've had emails hit 17 versions... 17!

So, I get this script up and running, put in the email that everyone said they agreed to, and shoot off a test version. Guess what happens. The email that everyone agreed on, is no longer good enough. So I revise and send again. Then more problems come up. This happens 4 times in about an hour.

Everyone said they liked it. Now no one does. And worst of all, everytime someone proposes a change, we have endless debates on whether it's a good change, or maybe needs an and instead of an or in the second paragraph, or if the sign-off should be different.

For Christ's sake, would the people who are supposed to decide do it already! I can't even do it myself, because once I say "this is how it is", I catch immediate flack for not letting people collaborate enough.

Collaboration is great, until it becomes uncecessary bureaucracy!

The Manual

So, back in October I had my first performance/expectations review in my new job at UCSC. When it got around to the nebulous "do you have any concerns?" phase, I only really had one. I had been told I was going to be brought up to speed on one of the two systems that the office supported, and hadn't yet. The response: "We've got 3 experts in house on this system. Just keep on with what you do, and we'll take care of that".

Fast foward to the present. The person on the same level as me, who handled that system has quit, and now I have to do her job too. The catch? I don't really know the system that well. I've done enough that I can support people on it, but I have to ask a lot of questions.

The actual rant:

Now we're trying to hire another person. Good! The problem? I have to re-write the manual for the system. Yes, the person who is the least trained, and least informed about the system has to re-write the manual, to then be reviewed by the experts.

WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THE FIRST RE-WRITE WHEN I'M NOT THE EXPERT?!

They're going to review it anyways, make changes, etc. Why not just do it in the first place. I was told I wasn't going to be dealing with this system much, so I didn't need full training on it. Now I have to write the procedures for how to use the system for the new person?

Crock of shit is what I call that.

Well duh!

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

See the ring? That means not yours!

I need to get this out of my system before I start believing it might be happening.

If you meet someone (one you really like, all that jazz), and they have a ring on their finger, DON'T FUCK WITH IT. Unless they throw themselves on you, tells you their marriage is crap, and they wants out desparately, DON'T FUCK WITH IT. Just be their friend. Who knows, maybe they'll decide they like you better. Go you. The other person clearly didn't give them what they need, right? But go in there with the intention of trying to take them from someone else, and you deserve to have your genitals (I don't care whether they're inside or outside) stomped on with track spikes. Rusty ones. The kind meant for dirt tracks, not the new rubber stuff.

I think we can all agree on this.

Mandatory Fun

To make everything perfectly clear, I'm not really a party/gathering person. Crowds of people I don't really know tend to make me clam up, and stand off by myself. The one exception to this is gaming. When I'm gaming, I'm not really me, so it doesn't matter how I act, what I do, or what I say.

Fast foward to today. My boss gives me crap periodically about not going to department parties. To be fair, I've gone to all the ones I could, and the rest I have real excuses why I didn't go. Today though, she tells me that the accounting christmas thingie is "Mandatory Fun"

MANDATORY FUN? What the hell is that? I was probably going to go anyways, just because there was free food and such, but making it "mandatory" just made it torture. Most of the accounting people are ok. However, there's 5 or 6 who have designated themselves "Fun Police" for you Broken Lizard fans out there. Just hearing their shrill voices sets me on edge. So now I get to go stand in a huge crowd of people in a probably 10x30 space, fight some 600 pound woman for a cookie and a juice squeeze, and then stand in the corner away from everyone until I can escape, rather than getting something done, like supporting our users on the system like I'm paid to!

Afterwards, I explained to my boss my dislike of crowds, and she seemed to understand, which helps greatly. Maybe I won't have to do this again.

Yeah right.

Whispering is the fastest way to get noticed

You know, in an office environment, it's pretty standard for people to ignore what's happening on the other side of the cube wall. You have to, otherwise you never get anything done. That said, nothing attracts more attention than whispering! When you whisper, people want to know what you're saying.

I understand the need for confidentiality in the workplace, but when people sit in the cube next to mine, and whisper at the volume that I can only make out snippets, it immediately distracts me. I can't concentrate, because it's like having a buzzing in your ear! I end up paying more attention when you whisper than when you speak normally in a low tone!

In closing, take you goddamn gossip to the break room, or away from my cube!